I will go on a holiday January 19th...will be back soon!!! Cheers fellows!

"Man who run in front of car get tired" "Man who run behind
car get exhausted"

"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."

"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"

"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."

"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."

"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement"

"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

"People who make Confucious joke speak bad English."

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know
what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I
turn the headlights off before I get to the
driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my
shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak
up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my
wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for
staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the
driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the
closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my
wife's rump and say, 'How about a little?' and she pretends she's
asleep."

This guy came back from the men's room at the bar. He was shaking his
head. "What's the matter?" asked the bartender.

"While I was in the stall back there I noticed among all of the
scribblings on the wall, 'JUDI GIVES REALLY GREAT BLOW JOBS.'"

"Aw, I wouldn't give it a second thought," said the barkeep. "We get
jerks in here all the time, just like anywhere else."

"Tell me about it," the guy said, "they scratched out the phone number.

There was a preacher and he had just gotten to the pulpit to preach
the Sunday sermon when the Devil walks in, everyone got up and left
real fast, the preacher stayed there. The devil asked him if he was
afraid of him too, and the minister said no he was not. The devil
asked why he was not afraid of him, the minister said well I have
been married to your sister for 20 years.

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold
blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are
freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your
legs. The body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her
hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with
her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The
daughter said, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up." So he did.
Next day the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the
daughter.
He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter said "Put it
between my legs, it will warm up." He did and his nose warmed up. The
next day the boyfriend is driving again with the daughter and he said,
"My penis is frozen solid." Later that week, the daughter is driving in
the buggy with her mother. She says to her mother, "Have you ever
heard of a penis?" Mother says "Sure why do you ask?" The daughter
says, "Well, they just make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!!"

Men are from mars...        

What a woman says:

"This place is a mess!
C'mon, you and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW